Job hunting.
I haven't had a serious period of job hunting since 2011, right after I graduated from college. It's interesting to be back in this situation again. Technically I do still have a job with Bella Baby (taking newborn photos in hospitals), but they didn't have enough days for me out here, so I'm looking for something full time and not commission based.
I'm not too worried, I know I'll get something eventually. But in the meantime it's a slightly frustrating situation. For one thing, sometimes it's hard to enjoy my days off (days when I'm not scheduled with Bella) because the minute I think of something I'd like to do, I remember that I should probably be applying for more jobs. Lol.
It's also a different scenario than last time. Last time I had just graduated from college. I was single. The future was a big question mark, but there was no question that I HAD to find a job. (I'm sure my parents would have helped out until I found one, but my conscience would not allow me to purposely become a mooch). This time around, I am married. Our ultimate goal is to become parents (someday - we are not expecting yet :). And so even though it's really important that I bring us at least some kind of income right now, it's slightly harder to find the motivation when I know that I won't be working forever.
(Now, I guess that I say that at the risk of sounding lazy or unrealistic or selfish. I certainly hope I'm not any of those things. But while that's how I feel, I recognize that I am still hunting. I am still trying my best to find a job, and I most definitely feel the responsibility of being the provider right now while Michael is in grad school. It's just that I don't feel as much desperation as last time, and it's just...different. Hopefully that makes sense.)
(Now, I guess that I say that at the risk of sounding lazy or unrealistic or selfish. I certainly hope I'm not any of those things. But while that's how I feel, I recognize that I am still hunting. I am still trying my best to find a job, and I most definitely feel the responsibility of being the provider right now while Michael is in grad school. It's just that I don't feel as much desperation as last time, and it's just...different. Hopefully that makes sense.)
And another thing...kinda wish I could put this in small print because I feel a little sheepish saying it...I've kind of enjoyed the slower pace of this in-between time. After years of always being busy and working hard, I actually have days off now. And I like them! I like going to bed at night and not dreading waking up in the morning!
At first the days off were kinda hard to enjoy because I found it difficult to justify spending time on seemingly "insignificant" things, and I found it almost impossible to focus and get anything done (that's another story) but eventually I rediscovered some of the things that bring me fulfillment:
Reading.
I love reading about history, interesting theories, fantasy, interior design, religion, whatever!
Writing.
I would probably write multiple daily posts on here if I had the time, just because it's fun.
Learning new things.
(Like web development! See codecademy.com)
Exercise!
It takes a lot to get me going, but once I do it, it really does feel great.
Visiting historical sites, and taking my time there.
E.g. I had a wonderful time at Yorktown last Friday with my parents...that's coming up in another post.
Color.
Thinking about it, reading about it, experimenting with it.
Taking walks outside.
Cooking.
Crafting.
Etc.!
Work (meaning the "9 to 5" kind of work) can be fulfilling too, absolutely, and it can bring a needed balance to life. Sometimes I return to work with Bella Baby after a few days of free time, and it's kind of a relief. But I do enjoy these things I've listed. I like working at things I voluntarily decide to do. And sometimes they're easier to enjoy when there's an entirely free day to devote to them.
So here's the bottom line, I guess: when I become a mom, I know it will be much more difficult to make time for the things that bring me fulfillment. It will be the best job ever, a fulfillment all it's own, and it's all I've ever wanted to do. But I know it will also be the busiest and hardest job ever. So subconsciously maybe that's why I'm trying to enjoy this in-between time...and finding it harder and harder to fill it up with full time employment.
Whew. Well, thanks for sticking through a rather personal post with me. :)
Now I'd love to hear from you!
If you are already a mother, how do you make time for things you like to do?
If you work at a day job, how do you make time for things you like to do?
Oh my goodness, Rachel, can I even tell you how similar our lives are right now? And how I'm having exactly the same thoughts/feelings about it?
ReplyDeleteJames is in grad school, I'm looking for work, I'm also doing some part-time stuff to hold me over until I find full-time work, and I also find that I enjoy having free time, but can't _fully_ enjoy it because in the back of my mind I'm stressed out about not having a job yet!
I'm so glad someone understands. I seriously read this and thought, "Oh, phew, I'm not alone!"
I think a big shocker for me was that I didn't find something right away. I thought I'd graduate, enter the workforce, and there would be scads of open jobs, which isn't turning out to be true. Some days I have tons of interviews and I'm confident and hopeful. Other days I'm a HOT MESS and I cry like a baby and tell James I'm never going to find a job and he has to calm me down, haha. Still, both of us will find something.
In the meantime, I'm trying to be better about enjoying my free time, rather than feeling guilty about it. :)
Kristin, thank you so much for writing! Seriously, your comment made me feel SO relieved. I am so glad to know that I'm not the only one in this situation and that I'm not just being completely ridiculous! Although I hesitated writing this post just because I could potentially get so many different responses on it, I thought maybe someone in the same boat could benefit from knowing that somebody else feels the same way. :) We can do it, we can!! I am thrilled that you have a blog so I can stay updated on you guys' life out there. I want to keep in close touch. :D Keep me posted on your job hunt as well! May you be successful and may your free days be happy!
DeleteYou're doing wonderful things with the time you have. Please allow yourself to enjoy the perks of this stage of life, and do the best you can with the stressful points! We love you and highly support the way your life is right now :D
ReplyDeletep.s. "slightly" demotivated totally doesn't qualify as lazy or selfish.... we know you're tired and still working hard at all kinds of things!
ReplyDeleteThanks Sue. You are the best. :)
DeleteHi Rachel, we lived in Horne Hall our freshman year together and I think in the Colony at the same time? Anyway, I randomly stumbled on this post from FB and had to share!! I am a mom now, but after my husband and I graduated and we moved for his job, I was in your same boat. The plan was for me to be pregnant, but I had to find something to pass the time until that happened! I found a 24 hour/week RN job at a mental health clinic that I thought I'd hate. I ended up working there for 2 years before we had our baby and I learned a ton, quickly got full-time hours, and through some connections I'd made, got a part-time job somewhere else that I still have to keep me licensed while I'm mostly a stay-at-home Mom. Now that ALL of my time is spent mothering, I wish I would have enjoyed those leisurely years more. I was too stressed about finding a good job and wishing to be a Mom that I missed out on the time to just develop my hobbies, read books, and have un-interrupted time with my husband. You should also enjoy quiet trips to a store, eating out, sleeping, spontaneously going on road trips, and going to the movies before your children start coming! = ) As a Mom now, nap time is MY time--of course, some chores have to get done, but I make sure I do something "productive" each day like a craft project, read an educational book, study a gospel topic, etc. It recharges me to be a better mother! I also work 6-8 hours/week and it's a nice break away from home to interact with other people, feel productive and use my education. I wouldn't trade motherhood for the world, but ENJOY what you have right now...without ANY guilt!! I spent too long wishing it away! -Karen (Young) Miller
ReplyDeleteHey Karen!! Of course I remember you! I'm so glad you stumbled on my blog and commented! Thanks for your perspective on enjoying this stage to the fullest. At the same time that I am so excited to be a mom someday, I also believe that the Lord wants us to be able to enjoy the unique things to be found in each stage of life. So thanks so much for your encouragement to enjoy the present while looking hopefully toward the future. :) Come visit here again!!
DeleteHi Rach,
ReplyDeleteWell I have to say as a mum I don't get loads of time for myself, but I don't miss it THAT much. I guess I know that one day I will have plenty of time for me, and then I will probably miss my munchkins so much anyway. So I'll enjoy it now. Don't get me wrong, everyone needs some non parental time/non housework time etc, but I think if you put a lot of mental effort and fun into parenting, you don't need as much. Plus you have friends that are mums too and you talk to them at the school drop offs, so even if you don't do anything else, you always have at least a few minutes with friends each day. And you can do things with your kids like mother's groups etc where you catch up with others and chill out. I've sort of ditched reading for a while (aside from parenting books every now and then, and daily scriptures), but I don't really miss it. It's a good trade off I guess.
Thanks Aliece, I really appreciate this perspective! While I am trying to enjoy this stage to the fullest, I am truly excited to be a mom, and I know that I'll love it. I always appreciate a positive perspective - it helps me not be afraid of that next stage, whenever it comes! :)
DeleteI always end up going back and wanting to tweak things in my blog posts - and I usually do. In this post for example, I changed the last sentence a little to make sure my meaning was clearer. And I adjusted a couple of other sentences too. Nobody will probably see this anyway so it doesn't really matter, just thought I'd throw it out there in case anybody happens to be reading this a second time.
ReplyDeleteRach,
ReplyDeleteSpeaking as a full time working woman, I must say that I know what you mean when you say that when working, you go to bed at night not wanting to wake up and face the challenges of the day. I don't know why teaching gives me such anxiety in the morning. I think some days, I just want to wake up and not be in charge of 100 teenagers that day. Maybe that's it. But I have also been thinking that it may not be as natural or comfortable for a woman planning on being a mom (hopefully that can eventually afford to stay home) to put so much time, energy, and stress into something that feels temporary, though a long temporary. I am finding that I love Saturdays and days off because I get to be in charge of the homefront, with that as my sole focus. It's so refreshing! Like you, in summers, I get restless, but I have to be honest: I'm either lazy or not built to be a full-time working teacher and mom. I may have to do that for at least one year, but I cannot imagine how it will be possible. If I am stressed now working, then how can I add a baby into the picture at some point, and yet I may have to. I think it's important that we enjoy our time before children. Even though we need to be the providers for now; it's still the only time we'll be married without children. Even when you become an emptynester, the relationship would still be different and you will still be a mother. If I sound jumbled, it's because I am. This is something that has been heavily on my mind because I have been feeling guilty for wanting to have your situation (but with money from a money tree somehow magically). :) There are some days, I just don't want to go to work. Parker keeps telling me that it's not bad to feel that way, but it does matter how I react and respond. Because there will be days as a mom where you will wake up and just not want to "go to work" (waking up early, doing house chores, going to basketball practice, etc.), but as a mom your response to that matters. The root of my problem isn't work itself. I am working on figuring out what it is. Anyways! Let me know what you think! Love you and miss you!!
Sarah
Yes yes!! Sarah I understand! Actually, I didn't think this was jumbled at all, I totally got everything you were saying. There was one sentence where you totally hit the nail on the head - "It may not be as natural or comfortable for a woman planning on being a mom (hopefully that can eventually afford to stay home) to put so much time, energy, and stress into something that feels temporary, though a long temporary." YES. Exactly. Even when you feel deeply the responsibility of providing, it's hard to find the motivation for something that you know is temporary.
DeleteAnother section where you expressed our shared feelings so well: "I am finding that I love Saturdays and days off because I get to be in charge on the home front, with that as my sole focus. It's so refreshing! Like you, in summers, I get restless, but I have to be honest: I'm either lazy or not built to be a full-time working teacher and mom." I totally feel that way too. Even though you and I often need things to do (am I right?), we would primarily like to focus on our homes. And, I mean, I think that's a good thing. Of course I'm not meaning to say anything bad about mothers who work (whether out of desire or necessity) but since our divine responsibility is primarily to be mothers, I think it's probably a good thing that we feel that way.
By the way, I definitely do NOT think you are lazy. :) But I am constantly worrying about whether I am, so I understand the feeling.
That brings up something else you mentioned - guilt. Isn't it awful? I mean, it can serve a good purpose when its actually needed, but when it may not be, it can be so debilitating. I've experienced a lot of guilt lately - guilt for not finding a job yet, guilt for not necessarily WANTING to find a job yet, etc. Maybe what you and I need to do (both now and when we are mothers) is to not feel guilty for feeling the way we feel sometimes, but rather give ourselves credit for doing things we don't want to do DESPITE not wanting to do them.
I really admire you for getting a teaching job out there and for going to work each day even though you really really don't want to. I want you to know that. Actually, and this is quite ironic, I've sometimes felt guilty that I am not doing what you are doing! Like, you, Sarah Plant, specifically. Lol!
Well, this reply was long enough to be another post. Lol. Hopefully it made sense. I love you Sarah and I'm so glad we could have a bit of a conversation on here - please come visit again!! We can do this! We'll figure out this stage, and when the next one comes, we'll figure that one out too! :)
"Hi-ho!"
ReplyDeleteI could've CRIED reading this (in a good way)! You have TIME to ENJOY LIFE!? The sister I knew was so very, very busy and anxious most of the time and never had minute to ENJOY herself! That's just great :)
I'm experiencing something kind of similar this semester. I'm taking 14 credits, but for some reason my schedule worked out brilliantly and this is the least stressful and busy I've ever been. I have so much more time to sit back, kick up my feet, and watch the cooking channel for once, or creatively write up the more dramatic things that happened to me that day, or TAKE A NAP! No wonder you're feeling unmotivated to find a job!!
I DID however, do some job-hunting myself! Just last night I applied for the position of Student Radio Engineer/Producer with BYU Broadcasting! Random? Well, maybe a little. But, you see, my motivation to apply came from the fact that I've been moping about boys for weeks now--and if I'm totally honest, years. I need to start living my life like I'm never getting married! Instead of getting my hopes up on every single date like they all completely depend on it, I need to put ALL of my effort into finding happiness in things other than my love life, otherwise I'll waste these precious years sulking.
Yeah, no. This girl is ready to start living NOW, not later.
Anyway, just thought you should know that I'm so happy for your current peace of mind (to whatever extent you're feeling it). Love you, sistah <3
--Marian
Yaaaaay Marian!!! This made me so happy to read! I am so glad that you're having a good semester! There's something to be said for not overloading your semesters, for sure. Even if it takes you slightly longer to graduate, it's so worth it in my opinion.
ReplyDeleteAnd that sounds like a really cool job!! I want to hear how that goes! What would the job involve?
And I think you are very wise to try and enjoy the unique things that this stage of life offers. Good on ya. :) Not that there aren't wonderful things ahead too, but it just goes back to something I've come to believe in very strongly (and which I may write an entire post about). I believe that the Lord wishes for us to find happiness in every stage of our lives. It's not a "Enjoy things now because they're only going to get worse!!" mentality (which really bothers me when I hear it perpetuated - it's not encouraging, and I don't think its entirely true either). Rather it's just, "Enjoy things now because there are things to be enjoyed now! There will be things to enjoy later too, but why wait until then?" :)
Love you so much Marian - thanks for posting! I always love it when you do!!
As young parents this can be an issue at times. I think however, it is where people go wrong. I believe they become martyrs for the parenthood cause. "My children are more important than _________", "I don't need __________ because it takes away from my children" etc. And while this is true if taken outside of moderation parents can forget that they wee a woman and man first. Although their children bring much joy and fulfillment they need to make time for some of their own needs. We make time for me to go get my hair done, or Joe to go the gun range every couple months. We take time in the evenings for ourselves instead of cleaning the house. Either I sit and do my nails or enjoy a craft etc or we do things together like watch a movie or research something we've been interested in. I think It's huge to ensure your soul gets rest (much like the Sabbath. If you never relax then how are you going to revive yourself and be the best for your family?), so while its good for yourself its also great for those around you... We make time by trading off who watches kiddo or doing housework during the day so we can relax at night. Ha well there's my response!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing Sara! I loved your analogy with the Sabbath day - isn't that the truth? And I love the point you made that if we take time to re-boot, it not only helps us but those around us. Your comment and others I've received have given me so many great ideas and things to remember when I do become a mom someday. Thanks again!
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